Evil has many definitions, this one seems apt and yet incomplete: something that brings sorrow, distress, or calamity
For me, Evil is what you see when you look into the eyes of someone out to do what they want where your destruction in that process is likely a bonus but is certainly inconsequential to achieving their end goal.
I grew up with a father who used violence on a regular basis but to nobody else in the family other than myself. From my toddler years onwards, it was common to be suddenly dragged into another room and punched, kicked, thrown, stomped on until the rage subsided.
As a small child my reaction was of course hysterical. Pain and the shock of it when it happened taking over. As I grew accustomed to it, even as a very young child, I became an expert in the interpretation of how the car door was closed as he came home from work, the tread of footsteps up to the door, even how the door itself was opened, all these gave me clues as to what the evening might hold. That doesn't by any means imply that I was always right, many times despite good signs it would happen but it did help me prepare on many occasions.
Even today, the sound of footsteps approaching can induce instant fear and a bracing for something that has not happened for a long long time. Taking a brief look at complex-PTSD (which I have been formally diagnosed with), it lists many symptoms but these 3 stand out:
- Hypervigilance: Constantly being on alert for danger.
- I always know what's going on around me and where people are in relation to me. I typically map out any room I enter for exits and the people in the room that trigger that danger signal will never be out of my sight until I leave. I live with a house covered in electronic surveillance so I can manage my own environment and feel safe in my own space.
- Sleep Disturbances: Insomnia or restless sleep.
- No medication I have ever tried (and I tried) has ever solved sleep for me. Nightmares are not as common as they once were but then they come, they arrive in force and destroy sleep for days.
- Exaggerated Startle Response: Being easily startled by unexpected stimuli.
- It's a thing, when something catches me by surprise, my reactions are always fast and usually make people laugh that see it. It can affect me for a long time afterwards.
I will cover other symptoms at a later date, its a complex subject as its name suggests.